She is in my trunk
They should really pass out barf bags in church
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
