my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
