Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
