Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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