Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
