My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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