dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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