my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize