Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
