You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
