the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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