it hurts more in the daytime
this beer tastes like vomit already
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize