ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
