So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
