If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
