yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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