my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
