If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
