conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
