look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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