hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Found your dick twin last night
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
