Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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