yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
