OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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