Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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