oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
