Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
