just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
