U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize