NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I will be naked everywhere
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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