I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
