Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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