i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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