Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
