C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
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