Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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