Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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