that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
