In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
