i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
operation have a gay friend backfired
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
