I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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