i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You were trust falling into bushes
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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