we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
