I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
