non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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