8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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