I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
