Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
