so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
