Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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