come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
