I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
