WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
