OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
