Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
