You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
