I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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