if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
