he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
