i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
