and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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