Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
