You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize