her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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