you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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