you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
