Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
