In the future we'll all be gay
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
