Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
