I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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