I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
