My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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