too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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