just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
