My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
