the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
