i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
