Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
