There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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