you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
