Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
