The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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