Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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