Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
