I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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