the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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