i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
