If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
