Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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