Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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