i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
