she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
