And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
