your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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