We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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