I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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