I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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