I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
