Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
