Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
