You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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