Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
