I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Vodka?
Forever.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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