Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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