Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
