Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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