i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
