i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
