People in love make me want to vomit
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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