So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
