i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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