My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I think I just sharted jello shots
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